pampered me

Lorelei and I are doing what pampered ladies should. Eating cookies in bed while we wait for the men folk to bring us lunch in the form of McDonald's. Guess I am not dieting right now, huh? J took Rory with him to do some running around while I made Lorelei take a nap. Made is the right word. She says No now if you ask her if she wants to take a nap. She also thinks blowing someone a kiss is doing a raspberry on your palm before wiping it on the victims cheek.

My wrist surgery went well. My scar is hardly going to be visible. I learned that vicodin makes me very mushy. I get so relaxed that I feel the need to tell my loved ones all the reasons why I love them. Anyone ever heard of this side effect before? So no more bump. Now to work our the stiffness.

Friday, September 4th, we move into our new house. I have been a packing whirl wind! i am so ready to get in and start unpacking. Wish us luck!

Pre surgery poking

Today was my surgery pre testing exam. It was really just questionnaires, sign this here,check your vitals, lets take blood! You know, all that jazz. Of course this sounds like stuff that should take two and a half hours, right? I love the part where they told me I have to be in the waiting room three hours before my appointment on surgery day. J was shocked and appalled. I hate waiting. J brings that hate up to the level of art. Normally J is quiet. He is silent around people he doesn't know. Today I couldn't shut him up. He picked on me unmercifully. I was trying to register and he was using his knuckles to test my reflexes under the desk. You know the lady taking my information loved having her desk kicked. In the office he tried to answer the health questions before i could.

Nurse: Do you snore?
J: No but she breathes like Darth Vader.

Nurse: Are you depressed?
J: Well look at her.

He ducked and just missed getting hit in the head by the book I had in my hands. The nurse asked if I wanted her to put him in the hall. Tempting...but I let him stay. I am used to his brand of abuse, I mean humor. Silly Freudian slips.
On to the bloodletting! A different nurse was sent in to draw my one tiny tube of blood. I am very pale. You can see my veins which lulls you into the delusion that it will be easy to get to it. However, my veins are deep. I despise when I get uber confident nurse or tech that thinks "Easy peasy" and dives right in. Later, when I have blown veins, half moon shapes nail prints in my palm, and a look that would peel paint, we still have no blood in the tiny tube. She even used a tiny needle today. Thankfully she was smart. When she was unsuccessful on her first try, she found someone who draws blood for a living. Is she the only one who knows that this kind of person exists? Only took her one stick to strike the red gold. My only complaint, she used a huge needle.
That just goes to show you can be as gentle and delicate as you want but if you do not know what you are doing, you still make a huge mess.

Slice and dice

I am off to the ortho doc for a consultation on Friday. Eight years ago I developed a ganglion cyst on my left carpal bone (wrist). My cyst was the result of a trauma. I flipped my wrist backwards trying to push a wheelchair up hill with a person in it. Wasn't any more painful than rolling your ankle. Just happened to look down later and freaked out when I saw the pea size bump on my wrist.

Here is the medical portion of this post:

A ganglion cyst is a tumor or swelling on top of a joint of covering of a tendon (tissue that connects muscle to bone). It looks like a sac (cyst) of liquid. Inside the cyst is a thick, sticky, clear, colorless jellylike material (synovial fluid). depending on the size, cysts may feel firm or spongy. It can be one cyst or multiple that appear as one cyst but usually share a common stalk within the deeper tissue. This type of cyst is not harmful and accounts for about half of all soft tissue tumors on the hand.

I had it aspirated (drained with a HUGE freaking needle) when it initially happened. won't be doing that again. It did not help and I hyperventilated. I have decided that I want it removed. Numb me up, cut me open, dig it out. No idea why that bothers me less than the idea of aspirating it. Probably because when it is extracted it cannot come back. Done.

The aspirating may or may not solve the problem. Pass.

not smart to tell mama no

The countdown to civilian life is getting closer and closer to zero. I am excited about the pay raise but nervous about the lack of health insurance. We will still have the interim insurance but I never feel safe until the "real" insurance kicks in. Plus the military has taken god care of us medically. We are a tad spoiled when it comes to co pays and prescriptions. I just pray we get awesome insurance with the new company. J is stressing about getting the right job for our family. He is very serious about his hunter/gatherer duties. I am not serious about much of anything.

Lorelei now tells Inigo whether he is being a good dog or a bad dog. She asks for sponge bob. It is cute to hear her ask for her new fav show. However I am not a fan of the sponge. Rory is a huge Sponge-ite. Lately that is the only show I have seen other than Word World. Sesame Street seems to have fallen out of favor. We will have to see if that lasts. I can only handle so much of that laugh before the twitching sends me into a coma.

Rory is being a brave boy. Not a smart boy, but brave. He has begun telling us no. I say he is brave because he knows that this is a one way ticket to punishment. His knowledge of this cause and effect is why I question his smarts. I know he has them. I think he just chooses to ignore them. Nothing makes mama's eyes cross like being openly defied by the three yr old.

Bull gators!

I just have to share. The idiocy truly amazed me.

I was watching Untamed & Uncut on Animal Planet. A young man who was raised on an alligator farm in Arkansas is bitten by an alligator. Shocker right? The narrator introduces us to Jaime. Jaime is one of three brothers in the family business with their father. Dear ol' dad tells us that of his sons Jaime always "got on" the best with the gators. You do not get along with alligators. You avoid being on the menu. Most of the workers at the alligator farm use these long tongs to feed raw chicken to the gators. Not out Jaime. He likes to wow the audience during his shows by hand feeding them. Jaime is already not proving to be a bright bulb. Jaime jumps off the platform, chicken in hand, and runs through the gators feeding them here and there. 20 gators are snapping at his heels and he is laughing like a hyena. He drops a piece of chicken but decides to pick it up. One of the gators had the same idea. Once he saw Jaime's arm though he changed his strategy. Chomp!

In the end out buddy Jaime is fine. Not even a broken bone. He says he learned a very valuable lesson from this. If he drops the chicken he will not pick it up. I think Jaime might have missed the whole point.

The next story is of fresh out of high school boys who take a trip to Spain to run with the bulls. I would first like to point out my disdain for this "sport" and bull fighting. I think it is barbaric. Time for it to go the way of the dinosaurs.

Our two college bound boys are running when one of them falls. Mr. Bull takes this moment to explain how much he hates this abuse. Broken bones, lots of blood, and scars for life but College Bound lives. We all know the bull only lived long enough to be killed in the arena. College Bound learned a lesson not taught in school. Never take the bull by the horns. They are sharp and he is bigger than you!

Instant Karma- it could happen to you!

You might think Instant Karma is just a song but it is also our family slogan. I actually did not know it was a song until today. Sad, I know. I like the Beatles but not a fan of the Lennon/Yoko stage. This contributed to my lack of knowledge. I first heard the phrase Instant Karma from Samantha. I also learned to say eat the happy little kitten in Spanish. That one has no real world application for me. We were in our sophomore World History class. We were bantering as we often did. I let go of a zinger and then hurt myself almost immediately. "Instant Karma," Samantha said.

Our kiddos hear this a lot. Maybe it makes us bad parents, I dunno. One child aggravates the other then promptly trips. We check for blood/broken bones and then respond to them with instant karma. J and I are the most frequent victims of this phenomena. I think we are just uncoordinated. Since we are almost always picking on each other it makes sense that these accidents are usually preceded by some action or remark that had us just asking for cosmic retribution.

We also use the game Marco Polo as echo location in our house. We are not a normal family by any stretch of the imagination.

A Swede and an Aussie walk into a blog...

I googled my blog because I am too lazy to bookmark it on my laptop. Two interesting sites popped up. One was for a town in Sweden. The other was for a town in Australia. It appears my blog is locally popular there. At least this month it is. Could just be a fad. Or some sort of insane misdirection where they really were looking for one thing and wound up on my blog confused. Either way I am just tickled pink that I might have fans! I pretend I don't care but deep down I want you to like me. Iwill admit that I don't know very much about Sweden. That is sad. I might need to do a little research. The pictures and stories I have heard are nice. I would be interested to hear from any one in Sweden or who has been there. What is your favorite place, story, etc about Sweden.

I would like to take a minute to talk to Australia. Please do not be offended by decision to never visit your gorgeous continent. I love the accents, animals, & people. Little known fact, when I first learned about the continents Australia was my favorite. It still is. Something about the shape. However it is sort of a family curse that we have horrendous weird luck. Five minutes off the plane and I would be chased by a funnel web spider, bitten by a koala, fall into the ocean, to be devoured by a shark. I love you Australia. Believe me when i say it is not you, it is me.